OPINION: The Story Of Bayo Onanuga And Agosu The Barber

By Steve Osuji

There was a very ribald joke in my newsroom days a couple of decades ago. It’s best rendered in Yoruba for full tonal and dramatic effects but let’s try deconstructing it in English.

A landlord once went for an hair cut in Agosu the barber’s shop.  Agosu happened to be a long-time tenant of Baba Landlord.

It was in those virginal days when the tool for cutting the hair was  a pair of scissors.

Having done Baba Landlord’s hair halfway, Agosu crossed the scissors right under his chin, around the throat, making a gentle squeeze as to severe the windpipe of his landlord. Fear and panic hit Mr Landlord at once: “What’s going on Agosu, what are you doing?”  he said, half threatening, half scared.

Agosu replied in gruff, cold voice: “Baba Landlord you never knew that we know (in Yoruba: e mo pe awa mo),”  putting a bit more gentle squeeze on the scissors, Agosu said further, “ guess you never knew that I know that you have been co-habiting with my wife all these years. I am now minded to slit your throat in revenge.”

Baba Landlord alarmed and sweating already, lapsed into wailing pleas, offering Agosu rent rebate among other perks.

■MORAL OF THE TALE:
Baba Landlord thought Agosu the barber was stupid as he took advantage of his lowly station in life for years. But nay, the victim was only bidding his time for an opportunity to get back.

■BAYO ONANUGA’S MOCK PROTEST: (Emo pe awa mo!)

President Bola Tinubu’s main spokesman, Bayo Onanuga, apparently thinks the rest of Nigerians are stupid (ko mo pe awa mo!). The once  notable journalist who had been a long-time associate of President Tinubu has been doing a very poor job of managing the  media and communications duties of the president. He’s so far shown himself up as master of puerile propaganda and barefaced lying to Nigerians which has continued to diminish the administration in the eye of reasonable Nigerians.

But little did the Aso Rock strategists realise that Nigerians are aware they are on to a mock national protest to fend off long-suffering Nigerians from exercising their right to protest.  Where in the world is a protest announced for months ahead?

To authenticate his sinister heist, Onanuga last Friday, openly accused Peter Obi’s supporters of being behind his mock protest next month. Short of calling for the arrest of Mr. Peter Obi, the candidate of the Labour Party in the last Presidential election and the chief opposition element of the day, Onanuga deployed all the APC media machines , using screaming headlines to orchestrate the evil scheme.

But Nigerians who know Onanuga’s wayward mind-set over the years have opined that the so-called: End Bad Governance protest planned for August 10, 2024, is actually part of the machinations of the Tinubu presidency to deflect and circumscribe any genuine protests by the Nigerian people.

Shall we say then that: “won mo pe awa mo that Onanuga and his devious company are the ones planning a fake national August protests. In other words, no one is planning any protests  it’s an OFFICIAL DECOY to further destabilise Nigerians.

■REWORKING THE ENDSARS STRATEGY:
Onanuga in his high-wire propaganda has continued to repeat the evil falsehood that IPOB escalated the peaceful protest of October 20, 2020.

Again,  they think Nigerians are stupid; won mo pe awa mo. Every thinking Nigerian knows that the Endsars protest was escalated by the Lagos State government with promptings from Bourdillon. It’s on record that the Lagos State governor invited the army which marched on Lekki Tollgate, Lagos to mow down innocent, Nigerian youths protesting peacefully.

Apart from inviting the army,  to clear the tollgate, it is also on video record how state officials moved Lagos area boys to the scenes using official vehicles, to attack peaceful protesters. The mobilized touts later went on to burn down businesses and police stations in many cities across the country, ostensibly to paint the Endsars protesters black.

For Bayo Onanuga, an elder,  to seek to cover up this state crime, this well-known fact, by pointing at IPOB merely unveils the desperation of this government.

It’s on record that the Endsars protest was their etutu, a blood sacrifice for their 2023 presidential bid. And we ask,  what about the bodies (body of evidence) stacked in a private morgue by the Lagos State government years after the protests; are they for nothing? Won mo pe awa mo!

■TREASURY CAPTURE:

While they are at it, they know not that we know that all they do is breach the treasury all round. They have borrowed more money in one year than Buhari did in eight years. They have created more “Ways and Means” in one year than they accused Godwin Emefiele of doing in nine years. The difference however, is that while Buhari managed to reflate the economy through loans to industries and agric production, today, they spirit away most of these funds as Nigeria sinks rapidly.

They know not that we know that they are mopping up by proxy, all the assets of fleeing IOC’s and multinationals.

They think we are so stupid not to know they are using our resources to buy up all the big oil & gas and manufacturing assets they have pushed out of Nigeria. But the day of atonement will come upon them sooner than they think.

Won mo pe awa mo: Baba Landlord actually thought Agosu was eternally stupid…

Bayo Onanuga e mo pe awa mo… he thinks Nigerians are stupid.

Lastly we wish Bayo Onanuga and company well as they plan their August protests!

Osuji, an accomplished Journalist and Columnist, was the Special Adviser to a former Governor of Imo State, the Rt. Honourable Emeka Ihedioha